Retrospect Perspective and many line-breaks

It sounds better now they say

But you’d stopped singing a while ago

And you’ve only been mouthing the words

 

Was that yesterday?

Or a video from your childhood?

But you’re too afraid to ask

Because they don’t know the answer either

So you’d rather keep pretending

That its still just an arm’s reach away

 

Click, bent over forward with your head

Between your legs

There’s more than one way of looking back

But look at where Lot’s wife ended up

The seasoning three-point- observation violation

 

When you’re balancing right on the

Edge

Its all relative

And perfection is a matter of perspective

They say that symmetry

Is what beauty is all about.

Mr Openminded views that from all-angles.

Thought there’s always Three truths,

But one right answer

When you measure opinion with a protractor

 

The trouble arises not when there’s no one else

To pat you on the back

But when you’re not flexible enough for such self-satisfaction.

 

Too soon the houselights are on

And you blink out the light

But you keep on blinking

Because

It turned out that no-one

But you

Ever really cared about your holiday snapshots

Anyway.

 

We are the activists wondering where to begin

We are here to get the government
out of your bedroom
the kids off the street
the men in the kitchen



we’re the couple in the café
with the paper
with the paper and the ideas about freedom
with shouts bout democracy/ suffrage and leaders
we tipped over latte’s to raise fists to the ceiling



we are the wanderers
with dreams and ambitions
the glo-in-the-dark stars on our ceilings
speak of communism, brotherhood
neopluralist living



Occupy, fight, stand for whats right
Free palastine, build zion, take back
Our farmland; sit-ins, rallys, hunger-strikes
Eradicate poverty, and drugs, and men,
And animal-killers; eat a rock, save a child



We’re here to put ‘organic’ back into your salad
To roll up the boarders, and send them to the laundry,
Our night shift is dreaming social justice for all
But you can’t eat ideology for breakfast

And we can’t find the haystack
Under all the worlds sin
We’re the activists wondering where to begin
 

I can hear the drip drip from the shower from under my bedcovers

I will not become one of those people, my people, who are miserable. Who have crisis’ far deeper than my jokey ’existential-crisis’ and who feel they have no purpose to their lives, who mill at home doing nothing, and have lists of things to complain about, starting from their past lives and working their way up. Yet… I have not showered in 3 days. During this time I haven’t been in for supper, nor have I  been out of bed before midday. What do I do all day, people ask me. Nothing I respond. I don’t do anything with my life. I joke about all the free time I have, ‘you tell me when you’reavailable because it’s not like I’m doing anything with my life, ha de haha’.

I push away the people who know me best, perhaps because I don’t want them to see me like this, or because I don’t want to see them like this.

In retrospect I can judge others for falling into this trap. How, why can they just sit at home doing nothing all day. There is so much to do in joburg you only have to go out and find it. No wonder they’re having breakdowns, what with staring at their bedposts all day, and living for nothing. Putting things off until you can’t even remember what was supposed to be preventing you from doing them in the first place. Waiting for things to happen without making them happen. Complaining. Wishing. I promise I’ll be pro-active when….

Things I’ve always wanted to do/explore/experience/experiment with… such as delving into the refugee issue in Joburg, volunteering from home, getting exercise, practising soccer, cooking, exploring joburg CBD, planting… I’ve always been too busy to do these, but now that I have time…

I don’t know what’s lacking, perhaps motivation. I don’t know whether it is because I’ve tired myself out doing and doing and doing this year, and that I need a break OR, and most likely, because I’ve stopped. After-all, sleeping is what makes you tired.

There is only so long that I can blame it on the Space. And say, its joburg, it’s the transport problems here, I need to leave, once I’m elsewhere, things will be ok. And I will learn again, and I will do again. Because at some point, I have to stop running, and let my roots get a little soil, and use that to nourish myself to grow and built and photosynthesise. Though it’s not self-growth I’m worried about, its productivity. You’re only young once ne, so make the most of your time.

But it’s all about a catalyst, something to ignite a process. Because I do have some ideas and theories waiting to be put into practise. I do have some clean clothes in my cupboard waiting to be tried on. I do have a full geyser of warm water, and I can step into the shower any time I want. It’s a scary world out there, past the warm soapy water, and once I get in, I’m committed to trying out that world again, and holding on, and not letting go again, not falling back into the realm of dirty pyjamas. That’s the hardest part, it’s easy to try half-heartedly to clean up my act, but to stay out there, to put on fresh jeans and a bra EVERY SINGLE DAY, is hard work. But I’ve got it in me, we all do, and I won’t fall into that existentialist trap, because there are things to be done, and places to go.