Selling my Soul

Right now I'm not having an Existential Crisis
I'm having a Financial Crisis, a Safety Crisis, a Political Crisis, an Employment Crisis
but not the usual one.

My credit card has given its limit and given up on me. I have no more money and my bus card had just run out. Also, i dont even know where the money goes, because I dont buy THINGS, I only buy food and pay for transport.
There were rocket attacks at a Kibbuts 30 minutes from Yavne, and not only am i begining to get freaked out by the hype around the issue (in Yavne, and the lack of interest in the rest of Israel), but other issues are transforming such as the issue with my family who have been hosting me because although I have learned to feel at home there, I am really worried that I am once again becoming a burden on them. . . Now I can feel how concerned they are, they worry they have to answer to my formidable parents if i get destoyed. Well, mainly I think they dont want me to be traumatised. And I feel so bad because they have been so wellcomming and kind and hospitable, and all I've done is add worry to their lives. This isnt Jew-guilt, its because feeling responsible for other people is a big thing, something no one takes on lightly. Every person is solely responisble for themselves, and few can handle more without the benefits of eternal love and cute photos. And I wanted to avoid making any being responisble for me too, but you know these jewmommas cannot help it. I think I might spend more time in other cities to give them a break.
But also, I am a little scared of these rocket attacks. I am not used to the commotion, and I dont believe in the cause. And so I am uncomfortable. Merely a Comfort Crisis?
And ofcourse there is the usual issue with work. I come home with stress about the things I havent done sitting in a pit in my belly. And I probably dont sleep enough. Although I try.
And also, I dont listen to music enough, or pray enough, or Create. So its no wonder I'm holding back an existeni-financial-crisis.
I think I'll probably sell my soul


Omg. This girl from work, a volunteer in the shelter; just invited me to go with them for chocolate tomorrow.
That is so nice.